What They Think
by Sammiantha-x
Summary: Sirius discovers a diary at the bottom of his suitcase and confides some secret feelings held for a certain Marauder. Abandoned, but feel free to read the first few chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: What they think**

**Summary: **So this is just a wee few chapters about how Sirius and Remus got together. RLSB

**Author: **Sammaintha-x-

**Pairings: **Remus Lupin-x-Sirius Black, WolfStar

**Ratings: **I'd only place this as Pg, perhaps M. Not very explicit or anything, with barely any inappropriate references.

**Author's Notes:** So hiya! My name's Sam, and this is my very first Fan Fiction! It supports my favourite Harry Potter pairing, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

I'd just adore if you could review, but flames shall be used to fry my eggs. Thank you, and enjoy!

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**What Sirius thinks…**

One day I looked him, and everything changed. It had been a fairly ordinary Saturday so far. Obviously we had no classes, so me and my fellow Marauders had spent the morning out under the big oak tree, the one near the north shore of the Lake?

You know the one I mean. Absolutely perfect for days like that one, days where you think that the sun might be a few too many miles closer to Earth than usual. Usually I hate days like that, they're _far _too hot for me, and-- wait, what was I talking about?

Oh, right. So there we were, sitting under our tree (yes, OUR tree. We carved out names on it in third-year) when all of a sudden Peter gives a shriek. Y'know, I'd love to be a mate and tell you that it was more a manly exclamation, but it wasn't. It was a high-pitched, girly, ear-splitting shriek, and it nearly scared poor old James into the Lake. It was funny, really, because just at that moment he had been giving Evans the 'eyes', and for once she hadn't been attempting to hex him right off the face of the planet. It may just be me, but I reckon she might be taking a fancy to him. And about time, too, it's been nearly seven years!

But anyway, this isn't about Prongs and Evans for once, this is about me and… well, you'll find out that later.

So, where was I? Oh yes, Peter gives a shriek worthy of Lily after she found out that we stole her diary (very funny day, that was, she managed to turn James purple! I had polka dots for weeks after that) and scrambles up, knocking Moony rather harshly into the tree. Honestly, he's such a klutz. If he didn't have me Remus and James grabbing his hand every few seconds, he'd probably have broken every single bone in his body right now. Pomfrey would just go-- no, mind back on track, I'm nearly there.

So Remus is smacked against the tree rather unceremoniously, and his head lands in the _exact_ place that the sun is filtering through the branches. Now, it wasn't like I'd never seen Remus' hair before, but this had been the first time that I'd ever really _looked_, you know? I'd never noticed that it isn't just brown, it's more… sort of like the colour of Butterbeer, with honey streaks running through it. Cheesy, right? Yeah, I know, but it's true. He really does have beautiful hair. It's hard to describe though, because it's unique. It's _Moony_ hair. The sort of colour that you'll never see on anybody else, because it's _his,_ and his alone. Y'know? But anyway, on with the story.

So I'm looking at his hair in all its sun-haloed glory, and then I realise that he's laughing. Laughing at what I don't know, though I later find out that Pete had jumped four metres into the air because of a spider. A plastic spider. Honestly, who's scared of spiders? They're about as big as our thumbnails, and they're also good company when--

Look, never mind about the spiders. So Remus is laughing, and suddenly I realise that he has perfect teeth. They're all straight and white, and his tongue pokes out between them when he's smiling. And I mean really smiling, not just giving us that 'whatever-you-say-but-I-know-better' smile that he reserves for me and James. Smiling when he actually thinks something's funny, and he doesn't mind laughing at it. That isn't often, because he cares so much about tact, and peoples' feeling, yadda yadda yadda… but that's okay, because it just makes him even more lovable to me .It means he really cares what people think, and doesn't want to hurt them even if it's funny. Really sweet.

But anyway. Merlin, stop sidetracking me, I have a story to tell! So I look at his teeth as he laughs, and then I look at his lips. They aren't particularly full or plump; in fact, they're rather thin, but not so thin that they disappear when he smiles. Moony's too perfect to have disappearing-lips. But anyway. I looked at his lips, and then I thought something that, up until that moment, I would never have even _dreamed _of thinking:_ I wonder what it would be like to kiss those lips?_

Now, as soon as I'd thought it I felt guilty, and stupid, and-- well, I felt _extremely_ confused. I mean, this was _Moony _I was talking about! This was Moony that I was dreaming of kissing, Remus' hair that I was imagining running my fingers through… I was hooked well and truly.

So, as you can imagine, I'm pretty flustered, finding out that I may just have a crush on my best friend… my _male_ best friend. But honestly, how could I NOT have a crush on him? I mean, all you have to do id look into those gorgeous big eyes, like melted amber they are, and you know that there's no hope. It's like they're specifically made not so that he can see, but so that he can trap admirers with his stupid, beautiful 'I'm-angry-at-you-but-still-sexy' look. It's ridiculous that one person can hold so much in one set of eyes.

But he can, and so when he turned his head and looked at me, I near fainted. He had that 'you're-being-quiet-and-now-I'm-half-worried-half-suspicious-because-you're-never-quiet' look in his eyes, and I thought I might just die right then. How could he look at me with those insanely insightful, powerful, all-seeing eyes and not realise that I was hopelessly fallen for him?

But he didn't realise, or he's a very good pretender, because he just turned away after giving me one last glance that very clearly said "should I be worried?"

If I had nearly fainted from fear when he first looked at me, then I would have passed clean out from relief had I not been leaning against the edge of the tree myself.

He hadn't noticed, and I was still safe to pretend that nothing was wrong, and everything was normal.

And I _did_ pretend, and still do. I make sure I only ever look at him when his attention is diverted, perhaps when he's reading, or maybe when he's sleeping. He looks best when he's sleeping, because it's the only time that he ever really relaxes, the only time that those worry lines constantly creased into his forehead fade away, and he actually looks his age and not thirty years older. He can stop worrying, about the Wolf, about his future, about his scars…

I love his scars. They're beautiful, and wonderful, and they show that he's strong and brave, the bravest person that I've ever met. I have tried to tell him this, we all have, but he'll have none of it. He's convinced that they're hideous, and he actually thinks that they make him less of a person. He could _never _be less of a person because of a few scars. They make him _more_ of a person, more beautiful. Sometimes I'll lie awake for hours on end, watching him and wishing that I could run my hands over those scars, long his back, up his chest, through his hair… He has me thinking things that a boy like me most certainly should NOT be thinking.

But I don't mind. Hey, I'd better go now. Prongs is staring at me, probably wondering why I've been scribbling in a book for the last half an hour. No doubt if I keep going he'll grab it off me, and that is the LAST thing I need. I'd die if Moony found out how I felt. He'd probably be disgusted, scared of me… he'd probably think I'd grope him in his sleep or something. Ha. I'd rather do it while he was awake… Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble, and I might be able to write something later.

Yours hopelessly,  
Sirius Black

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_Sirius Black scribbled one last sentence into the tattered old book, and then shut the cover. Standing, grinning and walking over to his friend, James, he didn't notice as the large, scrawled writing that he had been inking across the page just moments before had disappeared, leaving the page as crisp and fresh as it had been before he began to write.__

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_**So?**_ **What did you think? It's very rushed, I was just so eager to get my first chapter up!**

**I'll be posting James' chapter later on tonight, so it should be there for you. I know that I'm doing a Remus chapter, and probably a Peter… I'm still deliberating whether to do a Lily or not. I don't think I will. What do you think? Please take the time to review, whether you liked it or not. Eternl aroha for every review recieved )**

**Also, I'm looking for a Beta, anybody interested?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **So here's James' chapter, ready to go. Next shall be Peter's, and then for the Grand Finale we shall have Moony himself!

Please, review this if you like it, or hate it, or even if you just want to point out a few typos. I don't mind.

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**What James thinks…**

So they really think I haven't noticed? They think that they can stare at each other as if they want to ravish each other right on the spot, and have me, their _best friend_, not notice?

Really, of course I'm going to notice! Sirius has been quiet for days on end, and it's starting unnerve everybody. Well, everybody except for Remus, who seems to be oblivious to the fact that Padfoot is completely and utterly obsessed with him. Even _Pete's_ caught on, and he's about the most imperceptive person that ever walked through Hogwarts' doors.

In a nice way, of course. I have nothing against him, though I can't help but notice the looks that he throws my boys (my boys? I sound like my mother!) when they accidentally make eye-contact and have one of their wee moments, where Remus gets all flustered, and Sirius (somehow) manages to stay calm, cool, and even flirt a little.

Honestly, how does he do it? Stupid prat, he must be positively _wetting_ himself when he has to talk to Moony, and he still manages to keep as cool as an icicle. All suave smiles and eyebrow raises… I bet that if _I_ was anything like that, Lily would be over me in seconds, don't you think? Not that she isn't already head over heels for me, _that_ much is obvious, but if I were a little cooler, perhaps she might even go as far to _admit_ it…

Hold on. You've got me sidetracked, this isn't about me. This is about Sirius and Moony, right? Right. So today we were eating in the Great Hall, having breakfast casual as ever, except for one thing; Sirius refused to talk. He went red as a beetroot every time somebody (especially Moony) made a reference to him, and if (God forbid) he looked up and caught Remus' eye, he'd practically jump underneath the table.

He's got it bad, that much is obvious. I hope he tells Moony soon, because honestly, you could cut the (sexual?) tension between them with a knife. They're worse than twelve-year olds, with their mumbling and refusing to look each other in the eye.

Or rather, _Sirius_ is. Remus isn't that bad at all, nay very good at keeping his blustering in check. I suppose he's had to deal with keeping secrets longer, and had more practise. Also, he'll be used to liking people. I don't think Sirius has ever really had a proper crush before, only flings with girls that he thought had nice arses. I'm beginning to see why none of them ever worked out.

Y'know, it's funny that this diary turned up just now. I'm certain that I saw Siri writing in it just an hour ago, though what about I have no idea. He wouldn't let me see, and now when I open the book it's stark empty. No doubt all this will disappear too, and thank Merlin. If Pads knew that I so much as opened it, he'd throw me into the Lake. If he knew what I've _written_ in it, he'd tie weights to my ankles as well.

Okay, I have to go now. Evans is motioning at me from across the room, and she does NOT look happy. I wonder what Black did to her this time? No doubt I'll get the blame, she seems to get some sick sort of satisfaction from supervising me through detentions. Can you _believe_ that the Head Girl is allowed to give the Head Boy detentions? I think that's despicable. I'd _never_ even _consider_ giving her a detention… not that I'd ever have the excuse to.

Right, now she's coming over here, I really, really have to go.

Seeya!

-Prongs


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** So this chapter's up a LOT sooner than I expected, but you would not believe the amount of spare time I have at the moment. This is Pete's version, all wrapped and ready to go. I'm eternally sorry if you don't like the way he's been portrayed here, this is just how I imagine he would be. We don't exactly know what he was like at school, except for the fact that he followed James like a puppy. This is just how I imagine him. Enjoy!

Remeber, reviews will get you eternal aroha.

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**What Peter thinks...**

Hello. My name's Peter, Peter Pettigrew, and I seem to have just found this diary. Funny, I'm _positive_ that I've seen James writing in it, but here it is, all crisp and clean. Well, clean for the most part. I've _somehow_ managed to spill ink on the cover, but hopefully I can get that off before James notices. I just opened it to find out a wee bit about old Prongs, just to know if he'd written anything about me... I thought it was his. Obviously it isn't though. Or, maybe it is, but he just hasn't written in it?

I don't know. I'm not quite sure why I'm writing in here, except I suppose I can always throw it away when I'm done. I've always wanted to keep a journal, but I was always too scared that Padfoot and Prongs would get ahold of it.

Speaking of Padfoot... He's just walked into the room, and _boy_ does he look happy! I mean, he's actually glowing. A very, very rare thing for Sirius as of late, he seems to have drawn into his own, secluded little corner because of Remus. Honestly, _Remus?_

I mean, the bloke could have any girl in the entire school, maybe the entire _world,_ and he chooses a nerdy, gay werewolf? Really, I thought he had more sense than that. What does he see in Lupin anyway? I mean sure, the guy's smart, but not exactly boyfriend material. Knowing him, he'll end up marrying the fifth edition of the Oxford Dictionary. Because he can't afford one First Edition.

It isn't that I have anything against old Moony, it's just... Well, I just think Sirius could do better. _Much_ better. Seriously, even if he _does_ prefer blokes (something I'd _never_ have suspected) he could hook at least a quarter of the guys here at Hogwarts. He could have somebody handsome, smart, athletic... you know, somebody good with a broom?

And instead he chooses somebody that hasn't been able to afford newe robes since second year, someone who's best friends with somebody who already _has_ a best friend...

Well, I know what that feels like. It may sound silly, but it's like... unrequited best-friendship. When you consider somebody their best friend, but they don't consider _you_ to be _theirs._ It definately stinks being second-wheel to Sirius. I bet it sucks even more for Moony, being third wheel to _me._ 'Cause I'm _definately _Prongs' second best friend.

Poor Moony. There really isn't anything wrong with, except for his... err, furry little problem. I don't even think I'd have passed sixth-year without him. He's the only one of us that actually bothers to study, and he doesn't mind a all when he has to help one of us catch up... not that James or Sirius really ever need to catch up. I think that they sudy when the rest of us are asleep, so they looks smart.

Wow, Sirius is actually _dancing._ I'm going to go and ask him what's going on, he obviously hasn't thought I might want to know...

Well, I'll burn this in just three seconds, just as soon as I know what Sirius is smiling about, I don't want anybody to read it...

-Wormtail

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_Five minutes later, a dumbfounded Wormtail left the Griffindor common room, and the tattered, black diary lay with unblemished pages forgotten on the armchair it had been left on._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Hey guys. I can't believe how quickly I'm doing this, it's only taken me two days! Originally I had planned this to be a long one-shot, but then I realised that it wouldn't work. So /then/ I decided a little four-shot might be in order, but now... Now I'm wondering if maybe I could turn this into a long sort of thing... perhaps another four, maybe even eight chapters?

I don't know. Let me know what you think, so I know how to finish Remus' chapter off. I decided that Lily deserved her own chapter after all, so... here it is!

Sorry if you don't like the way I've portrayed her, but... Not much either of us can do, is there? Personally I'm not too fond of this chapter at all, so... don't be discouraged if you hate it. Remus' will be much better, I promise.

It'd be ever so handy if you could review this chapter, I'd really love to improve it as much as I can. Aroha to all of those reading my story, and eternal aroha to those that have reviewed!

--Sam

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_To the owner of this diary--_

First of all, I'd like you to knw that I am more than well-aware of the nature of this diary, so don't think I'm just some unsuspecting victim of your cruel joke. Why do I get the feeling that this was a Marauder's idea?

Not that I suppose it matters who's idea it was. Honestly, leaving a trap diary lying around the common room? That's low, even for you Black. Yes, Black. I've just seen your name in the front cover, in that ridiculously small handwriting. You'd think that somebody as well-practised in the art of pranking as you would have the sense not to leave your name at the scene of the crime.

What were you thinking, leaving something like this in the common room? What if a Slytherin had found it? Really, not many peiople know how these work, I _bet_ you knew just what you were doing. Getting poor, innocent Griffindors to write their innermost secrets into the diary, and then read them out to the Great Hall? It's pathetic. Even worse than cursing that poor first-year. Yes, Potter, don't think I've forgotten, and stop giving me all that 'it was Sirius' nonsense.

I must admit, Black, you've been sneakier than normal about this. Don't think I haven't noticed the attraction charm you've cast on it, why do you think I picked it up in the first place? Make people want to write in it, let people think they can trust it, and then read all their secrets? Truly pathtic.

I'm erasing the contents of the diary, and what's more, every time you try to re-read what's been written, this warning will flash up. If I _ever_ cathc you pulling a trick as pathetic as this again, McGonagall will hear of it. I wouldn't even think a Slytherin could be this cruel.

Yes, Mr Black, that insult was intended.

And one more thing, Sirius: don't think that pulling those pathetic puppy-eyes on me will get you out of trouble-- they may work on the teachers, and I _know_ that they work on Remus, but they will NOT work on me. I'm far too experienced in dealing with you Marauders to fall for such an age-old trick.

Please, son't ever let me catch you at this again. It would be a real shame to report you all, _especailly_ you, Remus-- but if you continue, I may have no choice. Don't disappoint me, Potter. And all you others.

Unless this was simply Black... I've seen what your friends have written, and I must say it ooks as though they've fallen for the trick as well as the rest. Unless you planned it that way... though _why_ you would write all those things about Remus being aware that somebody might read it is... well, it's far beyond me. Perhaps you don't know what this diary is?

I don't think you do. If you knew, you wouldn't have declared your everlasting love for your best friend, I'm sure of it.

Does that mean I'm safe to say this?

I hope so, because if any of you Marauders ever read this I may possibly _die._ But... well, you know this isn't easy for me, but...

Alright, I'll say it. Potter, you have nice hair. Happy now? Seven years I've been trying to ward you off, you incompetant prat, and it hasn't seeme to work, so maybe... maybe instead of ignoring you, I should... I don't know, maybe I should try and listen to what you're saying?

You DO realise that the only reason I'm saying this is that I'm certain you'll never read it. You haven't figured out the diary's secret, and I'm hoping-- nay, _praying_-- that you never will. And I also hope for your sake, Sirius, that nobody else does. Personally I support you and Remus 100, but their are those that will be... Well, a little less easy to bring around to your point of view. I mean, you and Lupin are obviously perfect for each other, and don't think that I haven't noticed the way you eye him when you think he isn't looking, but...

Just make sure that you don't listen to those that are too shallow minded to see what me and James do. Peter, maybe... and the Slytherins, of course. I mean, I'm all for inter-house unity, and usually I'd abhorr the thought of insulting another house, but... they seem to be quite a discriminating lot, those Slytherins, and you can find out in the most terrible ways... trust me, I know. You may _think_ that they're on your side, but they aren't, not really.

Anyway, I've said far too much. If I find out that this really was some cruel joke, and you've read everything I've written... you may expect to each have the remainder of the year's worth of detentions, along with a swift kick in places that you'll regret.

I'm trusting you on this, diary... though I'm not quite sure how much I can trust an inanimate object, so I'll probably be better just to confiscate the diary. It'd be awfully interesting to see what Remus has to say about certain things... like Sirius, for instance... but I can't possibly let him get a hold of this diary. And to use it for my own ends? That would be completely contradictory to all my morals, and so...

_No, I couldn't possibly. Thank you, diary, and good night._

_--Lily Evans._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: **Hey everyone! I can't tell you how ecstatic I am with the amount of reviews I've received so far; I never even dreamed I'd get so much as two.

So this is Remus' long-awaited chapter, and I'd just like to say that before you read this one, you might want to check out my other chapters again. I revamped them two days ago, though I didn't change anything too drastic.

Also, I've decided to make this a longer story. I don't think I'll be satisfied with just five chapters, so I'll keep going until it comes to a natural close. Sorry again if you didn't like my portrayal of Lily, she _was_ quite Hermione-ish... her next chapter will be a little better, I promise.

Now you would not _believe_ the amount of trouble this chapter has given me! It was _so_ much harder than I originally thought it would be, so as always, reviews are loved and rewarded with my eternal aroha.

That's me for another day

-x-Sam.

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**What Remus thinks...**

Hello. My name is Remus John Lupin, and I am in love with Sirius Black. I'm not quite sure why, and I don't know exactly when I realised, but I _do_ know that it's hopeless, completely involuntary, and inexplicably wonderful.

I suppose I should explain myself, rather than just go off spouting my feelings into a diary that doesn't even belong to me. As I said before, my name is Remus Lupin; I am a seventh-year attendee of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; I am a proud member of Griffindor House; and I have an almost inhuman love for chocolate. Is that enough about me? It isn't _everything_ about me, of course... everything would take up several pages, but it's the important things, I suppose... most of the important things. Like I said, everything would take up a great many pages. And I don't want to take up too many pages, this isn't even my diary!

It's funny, really, because usually I have severe issues with touching things that don't belong to me, and I positively _despise_ it when people touch my personal things, butfor some reason, I just felt as though I was _meant_ to pick up this diary. Like it was waiting for me to write in it, you know? So I picked it up and flicked through it, and lo and behold, there was nothing there. It was _then_ that I got the idea to test it for charms. Needless to say I was not at all surprised when a fairly strong attraction charm showed itself (though why someone would put an attraction charm on a diary I'm yet to discover), though that was the only spell in operation that I could see.

So here I am, writing in somebody else's diary with the express intention of disposing of it just as soon as I am finished. You know usually I wouldn't dream of damaging somebody else's property, but... well, I think that declaring that you're hopelessly in love with your best friend calls for some drastic action.

And I _am_ in love with him, badly. Now before you go rolling your eyes (can diaries do that?) just listen. You know, I'm not the type of person that just throws their love around, nor am I a person that uses the word for the most trivial things. When I say 'love', I mean love, a need for a thing and the feeling that without it, my life would not be worth living. Very few things fall under that catagory in my life. Chocolate is one of these things. So is Sirius Black.

Now, I bet you've heard quite a people use the verb 'love' to describe Sirius, and really I think that that's ridiculous. How is it possible that a third-year Hufflepuff fangirl (that, might I add, has barely spoken three words to him in her life) is in love with him? It _isn't. _There will be very few people in this world that would still truly love Sirius Black if they knew about him. And when say that, I mean really _knew._ If some of his fangirls saw beyond the face to the bitter, cold, neglected part of Sirius, I highly doubt that they'd think him so handsome.

I, however, know about that darker side, and what's more, I love him all the more for it. What sort of person would I be if I didn't accept the fact that there is a part of Sirius that isn't so lovable? Hypocritical, that's what. Judging him just because there's a part of him that still suffers from his rough childhood would be shallow, and what's more, hypocritical, because he was the first person I've known to _really_ accept what I am. You know he told me the other day that he thought my scars were beautiful? After he said that he looked like he wanted to swallow his tongue, so of course he didn't mean it, but it's the thought that counts don't you think? It's the fact that, even though he thinks they're ugly and disfiguring, he tried to make it better by telling me he liked them.

Sometimes I don't know what to say to the things he comes out with. How does one reply when he declares that he 'loves you eternally,' just because you lent him your History of Magic notes? I try to take it what it is-- a joke-- but it isn't easy when my head is practically screaming at him to mean it, and my heart is practically jumping out of my chest. Really, it's times like those when I'm just _positive_ that he knows. I mean, how obvious could it get? My face goes all red, my hands start to sweat, I can't even string two words together-- and he, he manages to stay cool, calm and collected. I can't imagine how much self-control he must be practising not to scream at me. He just avoids my gaze is all, and I can hardly blame him. If _I_ knew that there was a gay werewolf that fancied me, I'd be scared too.

I just don't know what to do. I've fantasized telling him about how I feel many times, but whenever I think I've gathered up enough courage he'll shake that stupid, gorgeously annoying black hair in my face, or grin at me with that ridiculously handsome smile of his, and I'll deflate, just like that. How could I possibly inform a specimen that positively beautiful that I, a scruffy beast, am in love with him?

I couldn't. Do you know, just the other day we were in the hall in front of the commonr room, quite late at night. Peter had a detention just then, and when he walked up to me, he leaned in really close and whispered something about 'hexing Lily's Charms book', and 'getting James out of the way.' Did I mention he had leaned in close? Almost so close that our noses were bumping. I swear, it was _all_ I could do not to gaze into his eyes, or reach out and touch him... him and his stupid Quidditch body.

So he leans in close, and I can feel his breath on my cheek, and just when I think I may actually have a chance-- he pulls out a big slab of Honeydukes' Best, waves it in my face and says 'Tada!' Now, as you can imagine, I was fairly disappointed. So it took a LOT of energy to plant a wide grin on my face, take the chocolate and tell Sirius that he was the best. I wonder if he noticed just how much I meant that?

I knew he was glad I'd liked his present. Of course I was! Honeydukes chocolate is my absolute favourite, and I'm _never_ able to afford it; he knows I don't like people buying things for me. I took it though, of course, and made him think it was the best thing in the world he could have given me. He was jumping around for the rest of the night, giving me secretive little smiles, and grinning wider than the Black Lake.

I'm glad I'm the one that made him grin like that, even if it was only over chocolate. He makes me grin all the time.

Merlin, listen to me. I'm going all sentimental. I'd better go now, it's dinner time. I _was _going to throw you out... I think I'll just take you up to the dormitory, you've been a big help. The only thing that knows how I fell, I hope.

Goodbye for tonight

--Remus J. Lupin

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**A.N."**

**So, ** asI said, I struggled a LOT with this chapter, even more so than with Lily's. I know I'm going awfully fast with this, but I have a lot of spare time on my hands. In exactly two days school will be back, and I have my end-of-year exams, so don't be expecting such frequent updates x3  
Maybe twice a week, from now on.

Remember, review!

-x-Sam


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: So I finally finished my first five chapters! Well, not really finally, seeing as I've been updating nearly every day, but... you know what I mean )**

**So, I'm not too sure how much time I'm going to get to update from now on, seeing as I've just started up school again. I think I might be doing Calculus instead of writing my stories from now on. D.**

**I swear I'll update as often as possible, just... don't be expecting them to be as frequents as they have been so far.**

**As always, reviews are loved! Thanks for reading,**

**-x-Sam.**

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Hello again! It's me, Sirius. Sirius Black? The good-looking one, you know who I am.You know, you nearly gave me a heart-attack, diary. The last thing I could remember doing with you was laying you on the armchair, the big one in the common room? You know the one. So you can imagine my distress when I went back to look for you, and you were nowhere in sight! Honestly, I was sweating buckets, absolutely terrified that somebody might have found you. Can you even begin to comprehend the amount of shit I would have been in, had somebody read you? _Copious_ amounts. Because if anybody happened to find out that I was gay; there goes my reputation. Everything that I've worked for in the last few years, down the toilet.

Not to mention what my family would do. I mean, I know they're supposed to have nothing to do with me, but I wouldn't put it past Mother to send me an anonymous Howler, or something of the sort. She probably thinks I'm outcasted enough already, without being totally in love with my friend. Nothing against Remus, but I don't think that scruffy werewolf was ever high on their agenda for me. Then again, neither was Griffindor house, but they managed to cope with that, right?

Well, not really. Not unless your definition of 'coped' is 'lock Sirius in a broom cupboard for three days.' Eh. I was expecting it, though one might think that after sending me _three consecutive Howlers_ that I'd get the point. Honestly, you'd think that the only cared about was stupid Slytherin and this bloody pure-blood mania. There's a new (supposedly dark) wizard prancing around, calling himself 'Lord Voldemort.' What sort of a stupid name is that? I reckon that if I were to be a dark wizard, I'd give myself an imposing name, like, err... Dogstar? Okay, maybe not. But still, Voldemort? It sounds like something to remove mould, don't you think diary?

Anyway. New dark wizard named Voldemort. Right. Well, apparently he's HUGE on this whole 'pure-bloods only' thing, and there are even rumours that he's _killed_ a few muggleborns, and muggles. Real scary guy, he is, and powerful too. Very good with a wand, and gathering more and more followers by the day. Call themselves Death Eaters. Well, guess what? My stupid, thick, brainless prat of a little brother has gone and joined them! Just when I thought that they couldn't get any more ridiculous, my family go and pull another one out of the hat. Regulus, a Death Eater? Pfft. Knowing him, the stupid little git will probably get himself exploded or something.

And good riddance, really. I mean, the world doesn't need more spoiled, selfish pureblood-manics frolicking around and causing mayhem. What makes them think that they're better than everyone else anyway? They aren't more talented (just look at Evans!) and they most certainly aren't better-looking (well, except for me of course,) so I really don't see what the big deal is if somebody has wizarding ancestors. Who gives a damn if we can trace back our family a few centuries to the founders?

I don't. Not me. One of my best friends is muggleborn, for Merlin's sake! Well, okay, I wouldn't exactly call Lily Evans one of my best friends, but James fancies her, so that's almost as good.

Speaking of James, the stupid bugger still hasn't managed to hook Evans yet. It's obvious that she fancies him, you should just _see_ the looks that she gives him during class! She pays more attention to his hair than she does the teacher, and for Evans, that's saying something. But good old Jamie, he just can't take the hint. If he'd just mature up a bit (not that I want him to or anything... there goes my best friend) she'd go out with him. Pathetic, really. If she doesn't like him the way his is, she doesn't deserve him anyway, does she? Stupid git, he's so useless when it comes to love.

Not that I can talk, really. I mean sure, the amount of girls I've dated is rather large, and the amount of girls that I've snagged is even larger (by quite a bit!) but it isn't girls that I want to snog, is it? It's Moony, and quite funny really. I can snog most of the girls in this school (and even some boys) whenever I want, but when I really _do_ want to snog somebody-- they aren't interested.

At least, I don't _think_ that he's interested. I haven't exactly told him, so I'm not too sure... Oh. I forgot, I have something really important to tell you. It's possibly the most depressing thing that anybody's ever said to me in my entire life, even worse than when my parents used to spout off about me being a failure; Remus called me, and I quote : "the best friend ever.' Friend? FRIEND!? I was outraged. Atrociousised! Well, I don't think that that's actually a word... but you get the point! So we're just 'friends', are we?

Pfft. Remus can stick his supposed 'friendship' where the sun don't shine for all I care. I don't want friendship. I want a Remmy-bear that I can hug everyday, and snog 'til my heart's content. I want a brother that doesn't take it upon himself to sign a death sentence, and if it isn't too much to ask, I want a best friend that doesn't keep ditching me fore a bloody girl!

Ergh. It's so frustrating. Remus doesn't love me. James prefers Evan's company, and Regulus... never mind him. I don't care anyway, not really. I just hope... who cares anyway.

I should probably go now, I might ask Remus why I found you on his bed. My only reassurance is that he couldn't have read you; it's obviously a disappearing journal, and thank Merlin. I haven't figured out how to read what I've written yet, and quite frankly, I don't plan to. Too much at stake, you know?

So I'm going to go now, it's dinnertime. I have butt-cramps from sitting on the ground, and my hand's aching from writing. I'll try to write again tomorrow, but no promises. I was always useless at keeping journals.

Bye for now,

-Padfoot.


End file.
